To be unceremoniously dumped is a terrible thing to have to go through. One minute its forever afters, the next its my bad, I thought you were somebody else.
Would I much prefer waning affection than the aforementioned? Nope. I hope to deal with individuals who know what they want and what it is they're feeling before offering me a roller coaster ride of emotional angst and crazy.
In the midst of 3 separate how could s/he conversations friends have asked me how? How does one carry on and move forward? I initially thought that the plea wasn't so much targeted at me as any kind of "expert" but more like the question was being put out to the universe and that it was mere coincidence that on all 3 x occasions I just happened to be the person on the other side of that receiver. But then I thought, my heart has been DEVASTATED enough times for me to have an unfortunate command of the subject. I'm a little too well versed if you ask me.
One of the greatest advices I have ever received post break up was, "Carry yourself with grace." Unfortunately there is nothing elegant about how I deal with heartbreak. The process has no smoothness or elegant movement about it whatsoever and as much as I try, thats when I can even manage to remember this wisdom, I have failed. Dismally. My process is usually filled with denial, pep talks, partying, reinvention, weight loss and a lot of booze. It is filled with random outbursts, that have resulted in severe social culling as my inner Angela (Why Did I get Married) wrestles itself to the surfaces and constantly says and does shit that I cringe at whenever I have had to go through the torment of reliving those memories.
The experience usually stops me dead in my tracks, I feel the memory washing through and over me. I stand rigid, eyes squeezed shut hoping to quell it somehow but the overwhelming ratchetness of my actions are so powerful, they break through all resistance and I am forced to watch my Angela possessed self throw my name away. *sigh* Heartbreak and alcohol make one hell of a mixture.
All this preoccupation, the partying and the empty and forced encounters may give out the impression that all is well when really it is not and I think thats possibly why I found myself at a loss on all those 3 occasions. So, no this does not end with a revelation that propels me to any kind of expert status but I have been hurt enough times to have received some really great advice. Some of which I have taken and others that I regrettably did not. I would like to share those with you and especially with my 3 good friends if they're reading this.
1. The first rule of heart break club is talk about it. If you can't afford a therapist, share your load with a sensible & trustworthy individual. It could be a good friend, your sibling or your parent. If you don't have one of these get a journal rather. Terrible advice will change the course of your life and you will see FLAMES.
2. Do not drink while nursing a broken heart. You will do something foolish.
3. Carry yourself with grace. Sometimes you'd be well within your rights to act a fool because of the douchebaggery way you were treated but you will be haunted. Trust me.
4. Severe heartbreak and near death experiences. Fewer things have the ability to shake you to the core and have you revaluate your life. We all need a little reevaluation from time to time. Use the angst in your favour. Let it be another thing that you overcome as opposed to the thing that brings you down.
5. After much hype I picked up a copy of Eat. Pray.Love. A regrettable decision but I did find a gem that has stayed with me since. Elizabeth talks about not allowing herself to fall apart because doing it once would be giving herself permission to keep falling apart over and over again. The mornings when it was hard to get out of bed, I thought of that. I fought back wanting to just sob my little heart out holding that relevant truth as close to me as I could. Its not always necessary but I think you know when this type of advice is relevant. When I was eventually strong enough. I put it aside and did what we've all been told to do.
6. Cry and cry and cry and then
7. Stop crying.
8. When its hard to get over someone don't be so hard on yourself. Some people you don't get over just like that, you just keep living without them with until the old adage "feels like a lifetime ago" becomes applicable. Time will do what it always does. The unbearable becomes bearable, you forget and you'll move on and not because you are fickle but because you deserve happiness. "Get yours" elsewhere.
9. While trying to "get yours" try not to look for it in other peoples arms and pants. Take time out from opposite sex.
10. Any suggestions?