We're all familiar with Steve Urkel,
from Family Matters. The appearance character that ended up being, not only the
shows main personality but also its main protagonist. One of the most memorable
episodes from the series for me is when Steve asks Laura out for the one
thousand time. He is rejected yet again but he celebrates this particular rejection
saying:
"You just said get a life Steve.
A week ago you would have said, get a life turbo nerd; I'm wearing you down
baby. I'm wearing you doooown!"
My friend *Nancy had been speaking to a
certain gentleman for a couple months. Very early on in their communication he
made it clear that he wanted to be more than friends. She declined his advances
saying as nice as he was she just wasn’t attracted to him. He said
fine and asked if it was ok that he keeps in touch. He did, every day in fact, mostly to say hi and on the odd days they would talk a little more finding more and more common ground.
As you get older there are very few
opportunities where men and women can get to know each other without undue
pressure and expectations and because most relationships are spurred by
physical attraction, the man or woman we are not instantaneously attracted to
is hardly given a chance.
On the one hand the Urkel Strategy requires discipline
and patience and on the other hand; we are a generation of expediency. We want something
and we want it now.
Earlier this year, Christopher Muther, from Boston.com wrote about the growing culture of impatience and how that makes us crave more and more instant gratification.
The article included some compelling reports. One of which was from Darrell Worthy, an assistant professor of psychology at Texas A&M University who studies decision making and motivation. Worthy found evidence that we were becoming more focused on quick fun than on reading books or magazines.
“A lot of things that are really valuable take time,” Worthy said. “But immediate gratification is the default response. It’s difficult to overcome those urges and be patient and wait for things to come over time.”
“The need for instant gratification is not new, but our expectation of ‘instant’ has become faster, and as a result, our patience is thinner.” was the observation made by Narayan Janakiraman, an assistant professor of marketing at the University of Texas, Arlington.
The context of both Worthy's and Janairaman's studies was not on dating but this is arguably a societal conditioning that has seeped through to every day life and expectations.
When weighing our interests its often based on what we see and like. There are vey few opportunities to get to know each other before dating; dating is the getting to know each other. Allow good men
that you may not immediately attracted to the opportunity to surprise you. My friend *Nancy found herself looking forward to her daily conversations with this particular man and physical attraction for her was one of the last things to come.
After much comedic trial and
error, Laura and Steve finally get together. Now, *Nancy and her beau may
not have such a fortunate ending but there’s something to be said and commended
about the patience and cunning of this one man, the modern day Urkel.
Feast!
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